Reliving High School Memories

It had been awhile since I looked at them. I was trying to search for people on myspace that I hadn't heard from in awhile and I had run out of names (or mainly, forgotten them). So I went over to the bookshelf and grabbed the 1999 yearbook from my high school. I hesitated to look inside and started from the back end of the book. I looked for a bit but almost closed the book back up. Just too painful. But I kept it opened and skimmed through most of it. Interesting. Don't understand why they printed my name as "Lucas" when all through grade school I was known as "Luke." I digress. I put it back and grabbed my 2000 yearbook - my senior year. This time I was able to skim through it much more comfortably. As I went through both books, a flood of memories started rushing back. "Oh wow, I remember that, and that, and that!" I even laughed a few times and began remembering the old days. Things were so much simpiler back then and I was quick to remember a lot of great memories.

And then I reached to the faculty section of the yearbook. My, how things have changed since 2000. Many of the great teachers that graced the classrooms of my high school have now retired or moved on. At least six or seven teachers that taught me were no longer there. I smiled at several of their pictures as I recalled certain memories or instances about them. Good times, good times.

I saw several pictures of people that used to be friends with each other. But unfortunate circumstances took place once they graduated from high school and they are more or less enemies of each other now. It's sad, because they were all my friends, too. It's not something I want to discuss and really a situation I do not want to get myself in the middle of. Yes, things were much simplier back in high school. Now those days are gone.

I really can't explain my discomfort in reliving high school memories again, especially visual reminders in books or on tape. I think it more or less lies in being embarassed about where I fit in during that time. I was mainly an outsider; an individual that stood in the background and never stood up for anything. I wouldn't consider myself ever being very popular - although I was able to be with the in-crowd if I wanted to. I was just a quiet kid content with what I had and what I made myself into. Yes, some regrets about high school may exist, but I certainly cannot turn back the clock and change things. The years continue to go by and those years are beginning to fade out more and more. I also believe I was stereotyped for being a quiet kid by everyone in high school; and rightly so. I believe that if I ever enountered a group of my former classmates that it would be difficult for me to show them that I am much different now - just because I am stereotyped. A lot of times, I may see a certain individual or person from my past and walk right by and not confront them. I kind of figure there's really no point in talking to them. Last year I was invited to a Christmas party by a group of my former classmates. I did not attend because I had a great deal of discomfort in seeing many of them - a majority of them being good friends from my high school days. I don't know what it is - an inferiority complex or something. But I guess I'd rather let things from my past, particularly high school, remain there. Even though it's over three years away, I can bet you right now I will not be attending my ten year class reunion, either. That is unless I am made to attend.

Life can be full of surprises and a lot of times, they are things you must deal with on the spur of a moment. It's not often I am in contact with people from my past, and although I see many profiles of people I once knew on myspace, that's mainly all they are now - just profiles. A few of them I still e-mail and find out what they are up to, but I can't see them in person anymore, either. The reason being is they are so far away from where I am. So until I am ready to deal with my past head-on, a lot of old memories from my high school days will remain burried in the past.