Single Again...

Well, that didn't last long, did it? I am once again single after a four-month relationship. To be brutally honest with you, I wouldn't even call it a relationship - it never even got to that point. The most intimate we had gotten was one hug and that was the last time I saw her. It was more of a friendly hug, too. I was willing to make this relationship work but as she told me, she never felt the spark between us like I did. That tends to deflate the ego quite a bit. But, that's the way things go sometimes. And do I feel the least bit upset about how things turned out? Not in the least. Because as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

You know, when I first met her it was hard for me to keep my eyes off of her. There was just something about her that I enjoyed right off the bat. She was very friendly, easy to talk to and she seemed so carefree about many different things. We talked that first day for close to three hours about a variety of different things. It was a nice meeting and I was actually speechless on the drive home. A sense of peace had come over me as I thought, "you know, this might be the one." It just goes to show you that first instincts aren't always right. It takes awhile for a relationship to evolve and that's one bit of advice I'll take with me next time. I probably went overboard when I told her a few things about us being a couple and that could have freaked her out and ruined my chances in the long run. But hey, I was being honest and I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to romance. It ended up being a lesson learned and important for the next time around.

We talked quite a bit those first few months; mostly on the phone and some on instant messenger. I got to learn a little bit more about herself such as the things she liked, her relationship with her parents and where she worked. Lots of times I talked to her while she was at work - which was okay with her employer. I felt I was really getting to know her pretty well; but our meetings in person were few and far between. I was getting anxious to see her and in fact one night we planned to meet at her apartment after I worked an afternoon shift. But a friend of hers was planning to stay the night so all we could do was talk (not that I had planned on moving in on a second meeting). But as I approached the door, a note was stuck on the door saying she had an emergency and wasn't home. I was disappointed and headed back home. Shortly thereafter, she made the decision that she just didn't feel right that we met again until we could get the "parents" situation straightened out.

Ah yes, the "parents" situation. It all came down to this: she was afraid to tell her parents about us because they did not want her to be dating anyone she met from the internet. And I can completely understand their concerns; but not everyone you meet on-line is a psychopath. And she was 22 years old afterall and out on her own. This is what really held up our relationship. She wanted us to come up with this white lie she could tell her parents. The white lie was a place where we had a pretend meeting - and not on-line. What she really wanted was for me to attend her Baptist church and have our "meeting" there. I never committed to this because for one I am not that religious. The last time I attended church was close to two years ago. Also, I am Catholic and I am not about to switch religions just on the flick of a dime. So it was pretty much up to me to come up with something and I was never able to.

After awhile, I kind of got fed up. She basically swore off our relationship just because she couldn't tell her parents about me, which is why she couldn't see me. I got to the point where I just did not want to try anymore. There went a period where we did not communicate for close to three weeks. Then I e-mailed her to see how she was doing. As soon as I sent the e-mail, she appeared on IM and we communicated for a bit. She was planning to make a trip to Wal-Mart and since she was in the vicinity, she wondered if I would like to meet her there. I was all for it and so we met at Wal-Mart, of all places. We did a little shopping together, had an extensive conversation in the greeting cards section, and at the end of the visit, we hugged in the parking lot. That ended up being the final time I saw her in person. At that time, I had a glimmer of hope that we could make things work. I still had some feelings for her. But there was still that obstacle to overcome; the parents.

Another month surpassed without communication. I guess I was still kind of hurt that she didn't want to see me for the simple fact that she couldn't tell her parents about me. So I didn't call her or e-mail her. For awhile there the first few months, we talked everyday. But the last month, hardly ever. I knew that was not a sign of a healthy relationship. But I continued to have hope. But then suddenly, her myspace page disappeared. I thought that was a strange sign but I didn't really dig into it right away. Finally about a week later, I had to know what was going on. So I e-mailed her, asked her how she was and what she was up to. She e-mailed me about four days later, but I did not open it right away for fear of what she had written. I guess I was fearing a break-up, but it did not come with that e-mail. It soon came about a week later, not only in an e-mail but a rare appearance from her on IM. In the month between I last talked to her, she met someone else. She was in the initial stages of a new relationship with this guy, but didn't seem to be in a hurry to tell me about it. And so, life goes on.

You know, I am not the least bit disappointed or upset about "what might've been." I guess I knew it was inevitable. Now maybe if I had grown closer with her it probably would've been a lot harder to take. I just hope she's happy with whomever she's with now. And if she happens to read this at some point; please don't feel sorry for me or upset at what I wrote in this blog. It's just my way of venting and we both could've handled things differently these past two months. We made our fair share of mistakes and all we can do is look forward to the future. And as for me, the search starts over to find my missing piece. I wonder how long it'll take this time around?