Closure

Nearly four months after her passing, my Grandma Lillian was laid to rest at the local cemetery yesterday. I have to say, I was expecting it to be a lot harder than it was. Maybe I didn't let myself absolutely fall to pieces at seeing her carried out of the hearse and onto the spot where she was going to be buried. But then again, seeing that it has been nearly four months after her death, enough time has passed where I've accepted it. Don't get me wrong, I was still sad. She was my grandmother after all; the closest I was to the two. But she is in a better place and no longer suffering. There were a couple of moments where I was about to get teary-eyed; specifically when the priest referred to her as "our sister" and how she was "sent to be with the angels in heaven." We all had the opportunity to stand next to her casket, but I felt that would just be too awkward with the crowd that was gathered there. We also could've watched her get lowered into the ground, but my sister was already a wreck during the memorial so be opted not to.

I was glad and rather humbled to see the crowd of people that showed up at my grandmother's burial service. I was expecting a much smaller group of people; generally just the immediate family. I would say at least 40 to 50 people were there and it actually warmed my heart that my grandmother had a healthy crowd at her service. She definitely deserved it. I even got to see a former teacher from high school there and a former custodian that I worked with for three years and whom became like a second mother to me. Obviously it's not the greatest of circumstances to see these people again, but nonetheless, it was still nice to see them after all these years.

After the service concluded, we headed over to the local Lutheran Church for a small luncheon. My grandmother had told my mom before she died that she did not care to have a public service like a wake, but she was open to having a small luncheon after her burial service. And I've got to admit, it was a perfect thing to have. I would say there was a large-enough crowd at the church and plenty of food. I got to speak with a bunch of people that I hadn't spoken to in quite some time and I even met a few others for the first time. Actually there was too much food as some of the items weren't even touched. But at least there was more than enough food than not enough. Once the luncheon concluded, we headed out to my grandmother's farm.

It's not a big secret that my mom's side of the family isn't particularly close. My mom was the only girl in the family and with three brothers, she was the closest to her mother. And after a visit to the farm, I realized that we probably won't be making too many more trips out there in the future. For my immediate family, grandma was really the only reason to go out to the farm. And our visits there really were few and far between. Unless our relationship with my uncles and cousins should miraculously change in the future, I just don't see how we'll need to be out there, particularly me. I was never around them that much growing up and I think it's too late in the game to start caring now.

All in all, my grandmother's burial brought me some closure of her passing but also left me with a bittersweet feeling. As I walked the grounds of the farm, I remembered certain spots that brought back memories of my time as a kid and young adult at grandma's. There were plenty of fond memories and a few I'd rather just forget. But then those were likely all of the memories that would accumulate from that point on at the farm. Without grandma, there's really no need for me to visit the farm. And so it would appear that that particular chapter has thus closed in my life.