A Reunion No-Show

If you've been following the blog for awhile now, you know that I've talked about my 10-year class reunion. It was held this past weekend and I was contemplating the decision to attend the event. To be honest, there's probably only one classmate that I've talked to within the past five years and without Facebook, I probably wouldn't have known where any of them lived and what they're doing. With the advances of social networking, we've come along way in keeping in touch with others. When it came down to it, I decided not to attend the reunion. As we progress through this blog entry, I'll explain why.

Back when we were scheduling vacations at work, I was wondering whether or not I should take the week of the reunion off just so I could attend. Would my anxieties about the event go away and would I be compelled enough to take a week of vacation off around the event to go. Ultimately I decided not to - and if I felt the urge to go, I could use one of my personal days. The reunion fell on one of the weekends I work 12-hour shifts. Yes, I could've used a personal day but I would've had to turn right back around and plan to go to work the next day which once again, was a 12-hour shift. I just wasn't up to that idea, so I decided to work after all.

Yes, there were a few people I had wanted to see after all these years. But then there was a larger group whom I didn't care to see after 10 years. Honestly, I did not feel the urge to attend an event, try to brag myself up, and explain the reasons why I'm working where I'm employed and why I'm still single. Even though we were close as classmates ten years ago, I feel a bit disconnected from them all. Heck, the majority of them don't even live in the area anymore. I read some comments on Facebook from a few of my old classmates who seemed a bit bothered about the "when are you going to have children?" questions. I think I would've been just as bothered with similar questions and felt by myself. I guess my biggest worry was attending an event and being by myself, sitting way back in the corner of the room as everyone else mingled amongst themselves. Anyways, the group gathering later that evening was held at a bar - certainly not my scene. Although yes, ultimately it would've been nice to see everyone together once again and to be involved in some of the activities that went on, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. So I decided to pass this time around.

It's still hard to believe it's been ten years since we all graduated high school. Those years have flown by. Everyone appears to be mostly successful and nobody has passed away. Let's see if our class is able to keep that trend alive as we march towards our 20th class reunion. A few of my classmates have discussed the possibilities of holding other smaller gatherings between now and 2020 - just so that we don't have to wait another ten years for such an event. And I'd be up for something like that. All in all, I just did not get a good feeling about attending the reunion this time around. That might sound a bit selfish on my part, but it's just the way I am. Who knows, in another ten years, I may feel better about the circumstances. By then, enough years should've gone by to where I feel like I don't know anybody there anymore. And it'll be like a whole new start.

10 Year Class Reunion

So this year marks ten years since I graduated high school. Ten years seems like such a long time ago, but thinking back to my senior year, it doesn't seem like all that long ago. I remember people saying "oh, your senior year goes by so fast." They gave the advice to enjoy it while you can, because before you know it, you'll be a high school graduate. And you know, I tried to make the most of that senior year, however, I don't feel I was able to. Because like everybody said, it went by so incredibly fast! And then everybody moves in so many different directions, you lose track so quickly. If it wasn't for myspace or facebook, I wouldn't know where anyone is these days! Thank goodness for ever improving technology!

Seeing that 2010 marks the 10th anniversary of my graduation from high school, that means an all important reunion is in the works (at least I believe it's in the works). Several of my old classmates began making plans late last year to plan a reunion of some sort. For several years now, I've had mixed emotions about attending such a reunion. It's amazing how close we were as a class and now fast forward ten years - and I haven't seen a majority of my old classmates since I graduated in 2000! I don't know what they look like (aside from my Facebook friends), if their personalities have changed, and how they might treat me ten years later. Attending such a gathering would honestly make me feel uncomfortable because I am so totally self-conscious of myself. Today and even back then, I was so concerned about making a good impression to anyone I met and was friends with. I've always been the good guy yet so incredibly bashful it's embarrassing. I don't want anyone to think negatively of me and if I overhear someone talking about me in a negative light, I honestly become depressed and ashamed. How does this relate to attending a reunion? Well to me, it means a lot. I guess I'm concerned what my old classmates might think of me ten years later - they'll probably think the same if not a little bit worse of me. It's a big fear of mine.

I've gone back and forth through the years about whether or not I should attend the ten year class reunion this summer. Honestly, if I had a girlfriend or I was married right now, it'd probably be much easier for me to attend and gloat myself up. I mean sure, I have a decent paying job, a nice house, and a lot going for myself. But lets face it, we all live for the American Dream. The American Dream (which is becoming more and more old fashioned these days) consists of marrying someone of the opposite sex and raising a family. Right now, that's non-existent in my life and I don't foresee that changing anytime soon. I'm sure to most of you reading this blog, you probably think it's really no big deal to be single in this day and age. After all, 50% of marriages end in divorce. But to me, it is a big deal. And I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal of it than I should be. But it's a really significant detail that's holding back my perfect American Dream. I am just afraid of feeling so out of place at my class reunion, not being able to mingle with my old classmates, and being forced to leave early because I am so miserable. Most of my old classmates that are my friends on Facebook are married. You know they are going to bring their spouses with them (and maybe their kids, too). Who will I have to parade around there? Myself? I've never been much of a drinker. Maybe I can really bring out my wild side and make people think negatively of me then.

Alright, so maybe I am just being too darn negative about this whole ordeal. After all, how often do we get to see these people in our lives after we graduate from high school? Honestly, I am not close to any of my old classmates anymore (well, maybe one). But for me, the event this summer seems like it's just going to be a big waste of my time. I know I am going to continue going back and forth about attending this shin-dig. I will continue weighing the pros and cons about going to my ten year class reunion. It could be nice seeing those familiar faces aged ten years. Yet, it could also be bad seeing those faces. It could bring back bad memories for me (not that high school was all that terrible for me, just that it could've been better). However, some of them could look so terrible and in comparison, I could look like a male model. So yes, I'm still undecided about attending my class reunion. I'm sure it'll be a last minute decision (and if I do go, I'll have to change my summer vacations around because I'm scheduled to work that weekend). Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of wonderful high school memories that I hold onto. However, they are slowly beginning to fade and after ten years, I've definitely moved on from those times. If I don't attend the reunion, I'm sure I won't be missed.