A Not-So-Perfect Life

I found myself watching the movie "American Reunion" tonight and it really began to make me feel nostalgic. Yes I know, it's probably not the type of movie that most would find nostalgic. But every time I've watched it (tonight was the second time), it reminded me of my high school days. The movie centers around the cast returning to attend their high school class reunion. They graduated in 1999 and there are many times throughout the movie where 90's music plays and boy, it really hits home for me listening to those songs. At the end of the movie, they show flashbacks of the cast when they played their roles in the first film of the series, "American Pie." It's amazing how much younger they looked compared to the present. It really is incredible how time flies.

"American Reunion" was released in 2012, and considering the original cast graduated from high school in 1999, the reunion was held 13 years later (yes I know, we're not supposed to focus on that stat). However, to make a connection to my life, I graduated in 2000 and we are now into the year 2013. So, just like the class featured in the movie, this year is my 13th year away from high school. In some ways it feels like it's been forever, yet in other instances it doesn't seem that long ago. To be honest, I have moved on from my high school days (as I'm sure most have). As you may remember from my blog in the past, I did not attend my ten year class reunion three years ago. At the time, I did feel bad about missing it, but work kind of complicated things. There were a few people I would have genuinely liked to have seen and caught up with. However looking back at things now, I think it was for the best that I did not attend. A lot of my former classmates I really hold no connection with anymore. Most are spread out around the country. We all have basically moved on, formed friendships with new people and our high school lives are fading more and more with each passing year.

And now 13 years later, it's time to look at where my life has gone so far. The only thing I am really struggling with right now is my love life. Once again I am single, but am trying my hardest to remedy it. It's a situation that will take time to resolve. It seems that when you date people on-line, it's never a quick plunge into finding that special someone. There were a couple of times where I thought things were going on the right track earlier this winter, but things have gone off the rails lately. I know she's out there somewhere but it's often hard to wait patiently for her to walk through that proverbial door. I am beginning to wonder if things might go faster if I check out the bar scene or not. The simple fact is that I don't have that many opportunities to meet single women. At work, the male gender far exceeds the amount of women that work there, and I'm certainly not going to meet anybody sitting around at home. I have set a goal of 2013 being the year that I find the love of my life and so far it hasn't happened. But there's still a lot of the year left.

Well, I wasn't planning on turning this blog into one highlighting my relationship struggles. But it is what it is. I wish time would slow down a bit so I can learn to enjoy things more and not be in so much of a rush to find that special someone. I'm 30 years old now and I am not getting any younger. I know my parents are hoping for more grandchildren and I am hoping I am able to fulfill that desire for them. But it's pretty difficult to accomplish that when there's no significant other. As I look back, I made my fair share of mistakes when it came to women. I was often too shy to ask any of them out when I had the right opportunities. I sure wish I could go back in time and correct some of the mistakes I made in that regard. Maybe things would be a lot different than they are now. The rest of my life I really have no complaints about. So let's hope that 2013 ends up being a significant year where my life becomes truly perfect.

A New Year

And so here we are again, another new year was just ushered in last night. To me, it seems like we just rang in 2012 six months ago. I'm sure I've said it before and I'll say it again but my elders are right. Time really does go by faster and faster with each passing year. And it actually kind of makes me a little bit sad. I mean, I am trying to make the most of every opportunity that arises, yet some days I feel like I am missing important things. Life was so much more carefree and exhilarating as a child. Now it's like I've gotten into that same familiar rut: Work, sleep, eat, work, eat, sleep, etc, etc. I think 2013 will usher in all sorts of new opportunities for me. I am going to start making the most of my life while I still can.

2012 wasn't exactly a great year by any means; it was just more or less okay. Firstly, there was a decent amount of turmoil that surrounded work. Would I be laid off, would I be working? It was a challenging year in the work department but I am happy to say that I was only laid off for one week. I mean sure, one side of you could think that getting laid off and receiving unemployment would be nice for awhile. But then awhile turns into too long. That wasn't the case for me in 2012. That's not to say that if I were laid off for a longer period of time that I'd be struggling from the get go. But it's always nice to know that you have a job to go to regularly. So all in all, everything in the work department turned out okay. Still, there were plenty of rumors and hearsay surrounding my place of employment, and we may be heading down a similar road in 2013.

The nearly three year relationship ended with my girlfriend in July. Honestly it was inevitable and it probably should've ended sooner. But I think I was holding on for as long as I could to see if our relationship really could be for the rest of our lives. It didn't end up being so. It ended rather abruptly and pretty foolishly on my part. Instead of confronting her and calling it off in a civil way, she had to find out in a way that still shames me to this day. I didn't cheat on her by any means; I am not that kind of man. But I wasn't upfront with my feelings from the get-go and it's something I truly regret. It's unfortunate that we weren't able to make things work, however life does move on. I am hoping that 2013 is an improvement in my relationship status.

I've brought this up before in the blog and it's still an ongoing issue. My mental health still isn't where it needs to be. I've been dealing with a form of anxiety for a couple of years now and I am on two different medications for it. Believe me, it's a lot better than what it initially was, but I still have some work to do. I have a doctor's appointment later this week that will hopefully correct these anxious feelings that I have once and for all. In 2013, I also look to be more up front about my anxiety than I have been. For one thing, I've never told my parents what I've been going through. I don't normally make resolutions, but one that I am making this time around is to tell my immediate family of what's been going on. It's going to be a struggle and I truly have let this "secret" go on for too long. I guess I am anxious to talk about my anxiety. I know I shouldn't be, but a part of me thinks that I'm going crazy and that once everyone else knows this, then they'll think the same. I know that's a foolish thought and it's one thing I look to correct in the new year. I also am hoping to improve my physical health as well, seeing as how I gained nearly 10 pounds from one year to the next. It's time to start cutting back on the sweets, working out at home, and to eat more fruits and veggies.

So, with 2012 out of the way, things can only get better in 2013. Like I said, it's not like the past year was all that terrible; it was more or less just average. I am hoping 2013 proves to be an exciting year with many great memories to cherish. Here's hoping that you and yours has a wonderful 2013. See you next time on the blog...